[OSR] A Visit from the Goon Squad

Discussion on Discord recently alighted on the topic of low-HD minion types, and, more specifically, campy cinematic goons, inspired by Power Rangers and its endless supply of thematically diverse grunts. I've also been reading through the draft docs for Skerples' Monster Overhaul, and one of the things that's really impressed me about it is how many bits of inspiration it offers for repurposing and reskinning one statblock with minor variations.

Between those two things, I felt like writing up some goons. I'll be borrowing a couple of tricks (read: shamelessly nabbing stuff) from this Goblin Punch post.

(The title is from Jennifer Egan's novel of the same name, which I highly recommend).

"Earwig Squad", art by Warren Mahy

 

 

Goon Squads

Goons are flunkies, dogsbodies, and fodder. They spend at least as much time on their aesthetics and general Vibes as they do on combat training. They make good bandits, cultists, low-rent mercenaries, and faceless grunts for the local warlord, wizard, etcetera. Goons are seldom if ever encountered alone; instead, their fundamental unit of organisation is the Goon Squad.

A Goon Squad always has armour as leather, moves at normal speed, and attacks for 1d8 damage with some sort of weapon. It has 2-5 HD depending on size (1d4+1 if you like randomness), but fights, Saves, and is otherwise treated as though it had 1 HD. Morale, tactics, and general aesthetics are determined by the squad's gimmick (see below).

A Goon Squad has one member per HD. Goons normally get in each other's way too much for this to be worth any extra attacks. Single target Save-or-out-of-action effects instead take out a single goon automatically (no Save), for 8 points of damage to the Squad. Area attacks deal double damage to Goon Squads.

If any of a Goon Squad's HD roll a natural 8, the squad includes an elite. A squad with an elite has an extra attack per round as long as it has 9 or more hp, and a special ability as determined by its gimmick.

 

1d6 Goon Squad Gimmicks

 

1) Dancing Dead

• Morale: 7.
• Weapons: Sickles, scythes, and shovels (slashing or blunt damage).
• Look: Skintight black leathers and corpse paint.
• Manner: Dancing like marionettes, twisting and leering.
• Tactics: Appear from hiding and try to scare foes into submission with their creepiness and weight of numbers, surrounding them if possible. They'll never attack without showing their faces first, though.
• Elites: Dancing Dead elites are called Undertakers, and are extremely low-grade necromancers. Once per fight, in addition to attacking, an Undertaker can summon a skeletal hand to attempt to disarm or trip an enemy within 30'; if the attempt fails, the ability is not expended.

 

2) Bugsnackers

• Morale: 6.
• Weapons: Giant bugs on sticks, tied, glued, or skewered (piercing or poison damage).
• Look: Soil-stained wretches, rags concealing a range of interesting skin conditions.
• Manner: Jittery, unfocused, easily angered.
• Tactics: Jump the enemy from a height advantage, if possible, screaming and jabbing, and hope the initial charge breaks them. If it doesn't, withdraw, rinse, and repeat.
• Special: Bugsnackers are excellent climbers.
• Elites: Bugsnacker elites are called Glittermoths, and have vestigial moth wings that shed allergenic pollen. Adjacent living enemies must Save at the start of their turn or waste it coughing and spluttering; you get advantage on each Save after your first exposure.

 

3) Pyremongers

• Morale: 8.
• Weapons: Flaming torches (fire damage).
• Look: Spare orange robes, stupid flaming headdresses.
• Manner: No inside voices, no internal censors, and no sense of irony.
  
• Tactics: Proclaim superiority, ignite something valuable, then wade in and raise hell. Defence is for the weak.
• Elites: Pyremonger elites are called Firestarters. Twice per fight, in addition to attacking, a Firestarter can throw a Molotov to ignite something flammable within 30'. Living targets can Save to dodge.

 

4) Aluminiards

• Morale: 7.
• Weapons: Shock prods (electric damage, can be set to nonlethal).
• Look: Tinfoil spacesuits, misshapen glass bubble helmets.
• Manner: A very nervous person's impression of a cold, emotionless killing machine.
• Tactics: Stall and trash talk for as long as possible - they'd rather not fight if it can be avoided. Lash out wildly if provoked or, heaven forbid, laughed at.
• Special: Aluminiards take 50% extra damage from electricity.
  
• Elites: Aluminiard elites are called Fulminiards. A Fulminiard's first successful attack per fight delivers a powerful stunning shock - Save or be paralyzed for 1d3 rounds.

 

5) Red Dandies

• Morale: 5.
• Weapons: Rapiers (piercing damage).
• Look: Doublets, hose, and tricorne hats, in various red-and-black patterns.
• Manner: Boastful, swaggering. They flounder if they have to do anything but boast and swagger.
• Tactics: Taunt enemies into making the first move, if possible. They like to move fights around, prizing pretty or dramatic locations over tactically advantageous ones.
• Special: Red Dandies ignore difficult terrain.
  
• Elites: Red Dandy elites are called Seigneurs. Whenever a melee attack against a squad containing a Seigneur misses, the Seigneur may attempt a free disarm or trip against the attacker.

 

6) Horned Legion

• Morale: 8.
• Weapons: Pitchforks and swords (piercing or slashing damage).
• Look: Demon cosplay - devil-horn helmets, red-dyed leather scales.
• Manner: The kind of "evil" that cares less about callous self-interest than about the abstract concept of "being evil".
• Tactics: Trick, undermine, and backstab. They love to separate enemies and pick on lone targets. They abhor straight fights, even if they seem winnable.
  
• Elites: Horned Legion elites are called Cambions, and eschew helmets in favour of real grafted-on horns, often with gnarly scars. A Cambion can use their turn to sacrifice a regular Legionnaire (1d8 damage to the squad) to summon 1d3+1 HD of lesser demons, which will obey orders for a while but may turn on the Legion if they start losing.