[GLOG] If Our Life Lacks Brimstone... (Class: Barbarian)

A class that eats rules to steal their strength for itself.

Class: Barbarian

"Berserker", art by Dominik Mayer

Starting equipment: Two-handed weapon of your choice, fur loincloth, warpaint in the 1d8th colour of the rainbow (black on an 8).
Starting skill: None (see below).

A: BARBARIAN!, Brute Force, Loincloth of Endurance
B: Rage
C: Eye of the Gods
D: Absolute Violence

A: BARBARIAN!
Erase your lowest ability score. Replace it with a BARBARIAN! score, which starts at 12. Each time you gain a Barbarian template after the first, gain +2 BARBARIAN! and erase your next lowest ability score other than BARBARIAN!.
You automatically fail any check against a stat you don't have.
You can substitute BARBARIAN! for whatever stat you'd normally use for a check if the task at hand is suitably BARBARIAN! - feats of physical strength and agility, mysterious foreign folklore, highly objectionable cooking, etcetera. (This is why you don't have a starting skill.)

A: Brute Force
You don't suffer non-proficiency penalties in melee. If you can hold it, you can kill with it. Any object you wield as a melee weapon deals 1d8 damage if you're wielding it in one hand, or 1d12 if you're two-handing it (so two-hand everything, obviously). Ranged weapons work normally for you, if you absolutely insist.

A: Loincloth of Endurance
As long as you wear no armour, you count as having the maximum possible hit points for each die you'd roll, and heal the maximum possible from lunch and a night's rest. If you don armour, like some kind of simpering continental, instead you have the minimum possible hit points. Shields don't count as armour to you and don't increase your Defence, but they count as weapons just like anything else you're holding.

B: Rage
Whenever you roll initiative or suffer damage, you can fly into a rage. While raging, you don't roll to hit - you just deal your damage automatically, and the target can make one attack back against you with the same rules (if it survives). You must attack every round if possible while raging, and can't exit your rage until the fight is over or an ally spends a whole round slapping some sense into you.

C: Eye of the Gods
Erase your Save value. You Save by flipping a coin. Heads succeeds.

D: Absolute Violence
When you roll initiative, you may also roll a single die of your choice and take that much damage, which can't be reduced by any means. If you survive this damage and your roll matches or beats the total number of HD of enemies in the fight, you black out for ten minutes and wake up drenched in the blood of your slaughtered foes. Ask your allies to tell you what happened, but don't expect coherent answers.