d66 Oddball Hirelings, Clients, and Classes

This was initially my submission to a community project that doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Enjoy.

***

Each entry in the following this comes with the name and description of a (H)ireling, the (A)bility they possess, the (E)quipment they carry, and a (Q)uest they might offer.

As hirelings, they each cost twice as much as a standard 1HD guard or warrior, and bring all their listed equipment with them, plus whatever you give or loan them. They are combat-ready, but subject to morale like everyone else.

As quest clients, their rewards could include:

• Normal quest reward stuff, like money and money-adjacent items.
• The hireling joining you for free for a fixed term (or for a loot share rather than a salary).
• The hireling teaching you their ability.
  

These entries double more generally as modular extra abilities for existing characters. Besides the quest reward option, they could be secret arts learned from lost tomes or bestowed by weird magic, or you could upgrade one into a full playable character by plugging it into the following special one-template GLOG class:

Class: Oddball
There's only one Oddball template. You can take it multiple times, but must make different choices each time.
Σ: Choose or roll a random entry on the Oddball Hirelings table. You gain the listed (A)bility, start with the listed (E)quipment if this is your first template, and gain a skill with the same name as the table entry. Then roll on your favourite random skill table for something you picked up to make ends meet, when your main gig wasn't working. Finally, choose a single ability from a thief-type class (a level 1 ability from one of Lexi's Thief Guilds, for example) for a little extra spice.

Enough preamble. Let's bring on the oddballs.

***

11. Acupressurist
H: Ephraim. Shabby and unkempt except for lacy white gloves. Rarely speaks above a whisper.
A: His touch attack can harmlessly purge a potion or toxin from the subject's body, if used within 1 round of ingestion / exposure.
E: Wooden massage rod (as club), finger strengthener, bottle of scented oil.
Q: He longs for renown. Help him save the life of someone important, as flashily and publicly as possible.

12. Anchoragent
H: Iulia. Eyes heavy with regrets. Tally marks on her sleeve, won't say what they're for.
A: Can lock or unlock a willing or helpless subject's joints individually with a touch.
E: Blackjack, jar of mysterious ointment, deed to a parcel of land on the other side of the world.
Q: Find and kill her old employer, who's living under a new identity somewhere nearby.

13. Ascertainer
H: Adarine. Robes adorned with geometric diagrams. Makes arcane gestures at empty air. Squints.
A: Can measure distances by eye and weights by feel instantly, to the nearest pound or quarter-inch. Counts things at 100x speed.
E: Geometry set including sharpened pair of compasses (as knife), weathered textbook, half a dozen IOU notes from various students.
Q: She was expelled from engineering college on a technicality the day before graduation. Get her the diploma she deserves.

14. Bureaumancer
H: Uhlvard. Lumbering, bespectacled sad sack with a voice you tune out almost reflexively.
A: Very weak telekinesis, only works on paper that's been written on. Detects spelling errors and bureaucratic mistakes with a glance.
E: Dog-shaped novelty paperweight (as club), quill and ink, spinning top, jar of strong coffee.
Q: Get him a date. A real one.

15. Breathmiser
H: Rajesh. Shaved head, huge beard. Wears dozens of talismans with the same fish symbol.
A: Can hold his breath for up to 30 minutes of physical activity or 2 hours of rest. Double these if he has 10 minutes to prepare.
E: Machete, stack of questionable spiritual pamphlets, large empty bucket.
Q: His evil twin Hejsar is stealing people's breath by strangling them, and blaming him. Exonerate Rajesh and stop Hejsar.

16. Censor-Witch
H: Zeg. Broad, balding, walrus moustache. Says "actually" and "technically" a lot.
A: Chooses a word each morning. When someone within a mile says the word, he hears it and sees their face and general surroundings in his mind.
E: Improbably heavy rubber stamp (as club), inkpads in black, blue, and red, bolt of silk (for gags) and tiny scissors.
Q: Get him a copy of The Desolation of Saint Judith, a recently banned heretical text. You know, for auditing purposes.

21. Contra-Chaplain
H: Sadia. Patchwork robe of religious vestments. Never ends a sentence without swearing.
A: When she swills water in her mouth and spits it out, it affects the divine exactly as holy water affects the unholy.
E: Censer (as club), defaced holy book, bottle of absinthe, bottle of water, 25gp in unconvincing fake coins.
Q: Humiliate the church somehow, get arrested by church authorities for it, and escape.

22. Devil's Advocate
H: Xiangye. Tailored suit, tailored smile. One cigar a day. Blames everything on her ex-wife.
A: Can identify the exact terms of any supernatural contract, curse, or similar effect. 2-in-6 chance of finding a useful loophole.
E: Razor-tipped fountain pen (as knife), infernal legal textbook, case of fine cigars.
Q: Her case against a local demigod is running out of steam. Find or fabricate some evidence to revitalise it.

23. Disjecter
H: Queens. Tall. Shiny. All angles and edges. Beautiful in a harsh, inhospitable way.
A: Knows a 1-minute ritual to cut any object up to human size perfectly in half. She must be able to move and handle the object.
E: Sword, thrice-blessed whetstone, protractor, stick of charcoal.
Q: Deeply spiritual and humble, she fears her abilities. Find something - anything - she can't cut.

24. Dread Poet
H: Morgan. Too much eyeshadow. High-collared black trenchcoat, regardless of the season.
A: Recites the absolute worst slam poetry known to mortalkind. Protracted exposure deals damage equivalent to being on fire.
E: Reinforced steel quill (as knife) and ink, poetry notebook, makeup kit, poor-quality charcoal portrait of himself.
Q: Trick, bribe, or intimidate someone into booking him for a live show. He wants an audience of at least a thousand.

25. Faultsman
H: Howell. Hirsute. Talks very slowly. Taps random objects "to make sure they're sound".
A: Can identify when a machine is broken and what's wrong with it, purely by touch. No special acuity in fixing things.
E: Sharpened tuning fork (as knife), spectacles with adjustable lenses, bag of mints.
Q: The mints he carries are truly delicious, but out of production. Find a stash of them to keep him supplied - or, better still, the recipe.

26. Ferrobotanist
H: Tunde. A big, genial fellow in well-loved overalls. Thinks aloud. Mossy.
A: Can heal damaged metal with a 10-minute per inventory slot ritual, patching it with fibrous metallic growths. Up to 6 slots per day.
E: Many-times-repaired sword, gardener's gloves, pouch of high-quality bonemeal.
Q: He feuds bitterly with the smiths' guild. Find a problem they can't solve, but he can. Make one, if necessary.

31. Flingist
H: Jethro Southeast "The Beast" Cransley. Tattoos everywhere but his arms. Only answers to his full name, epithet included.
A: Can throw arrows as weapons - half damage, but +4 to hit. With at least a minute to prepare, hits automatically.
E: Quiver of 20 arrows, spectacles, capelet, collection of impressive but worthless medals.
Q: He suspects his archrival Serafine of doping. Expose her, or get Jethro some stronger drugs.

32. Handler
H: Crowe. Goggles, face mask, heavy boots. Terse but polite. Clean freak, where possible.
A: The skin from her elbows to her fingertips is impervious to contact hazards.
E: Brass knuckles, 3 blocks of lye soap, vial of litmus.
Q: Give her a tactile sensation she's never felt before. (She's pretty jaded. Be creative.)

33. Hound-Blessed
H: Afwen. Jowly, with big, doleful eyes. Patchy red skin rash. Sheds.
A: Acute, discerning sense of smell. Can track scents like a bloodhound.
E: Hand axe, collar and leash, jar of homemade pickling solution.
Q: Treat or cure her allergy to herself. It's the only way to clear up that rash.

34. Jeermonger
H: Rex. Clean and well-dressed. Always nursing a black eye or cauliflower ear.
A: Knows insults and taunts in every language, even those he hasn't encountered yet - he just gets a feel for them.
E: Knife, set of cooking pots, bottle of tequila, makeup kit.
Q: He seeks a challenge. Find him a worthy opponent for the roast-off of the century.

35. Levermaester
H: Mabh. Slight and frail-looking, but stronger than you think. Permanent cryptic smirk.
A: Counts as two people in matters of pushing, pulling, and lifting. Up to three people working with her also have their efforts doubled.
E: 4 crowbars, book of log tables, abacus, enormous black clay pipe.
Q: Deliver this thank-you note to her mentor, who died twenty years ago.

36. Lockstiff
H: Ash. Hunched and gangly, like a marionette. Constantly asks if you're really, absolutely sure.
A: Can render any lock or lock-like object unopenable with a minute's work.
E: Knife, lockpicks (which he can't use), thick leather gloves, tinderbox.
Q: Find a reliable method for undoing his work - currently, he doesn't know of one.

41. Mime-Maker
H: Helena. "Shirt" is just stripes of overapplied black and white grease paint. Hates reptiles.
A: Anything she touches with both palms is completely silent as long as she maintains contact.
E: Knife, 2 pots of grease paint, ball gag, umbrella.
Q: Persuade her crush, a novice bard, to renounce his ways so that they can be together.

42. Moonshiner
H: Egg. Hunched, paunchy, needle-sharp teeth. Possibly an unusually clean, smart goblin.
A: Can turn the fluids from a fresh human-sized corpse into a bottle's worth of high-proof, worryingly tasty moonshine. Takes 1 hour.
E: Broken bottle (as knife), 6 unbroken bottles, jar of pickled bugs, 5' reacher-grabber.
Q: Help him replicate the best batch he's ever made, which came from the corpse of a priest.

43. Multi-Druid
H: Barnabas. Shiftiest guy you've ever seen. Jumpy, sleep-deprived, chews paper like gum.
A: Transforms at will into two raccoons. They act independently but can't be more than 30' apart. If one dies, both do.
E: Shillelagh (as club but fancier), 3 vials of powerful insecticide, preserved dead songbird in paper bag.
Q: Stop the city's vermin cull, by any means necessary.

44. Muscarist
H: Yalic. Cheerful, sweaty. Carries a buzzing, gauze-topped clay jar like a briefcase.
A: Can speak with flies. They can advise on the severity of wounds, the edibility of meat, and other matters of bare flesh.
E: Swatter (as club), jar of flies, jar of honey, jar of vinegar, fishing rod.
Q: His flies are refusing to work, demanding to be taken to their "new king". Find it and pacify, subjugate, or exterminate it.

45. Noise Bard
H: Cantwell. Portly and jolly. Loud, rhythmic breathing. Tuning forks sewn into his clothes.
A: If you can hear him humming, it takes a Save vs. magic, which you can fail on purpose, to hear anything else.
E: Sharpened tuning fork (as knife), harmonica, jar of extremely flammable skin moisturizer.
Q: His noble lover considers him uncouth and won't be seen with him in public. My Fair Lady him to help him win her heart.

46. Pseudowizard
H: Sunny. Blue-tinted skin. Fidgety. Plays obscure card games against herself in her spare time.
A: 1MD. Doesn't know any spells, nor can she learn them. Detects as a 4MD archmage.
E: Fancy staff, pointy hat, dictionary relabelled "SPELBOKE", 5 decks of variant playing cards.
Q: Get her out from under her crushing student loans.

51. Pyrotechnician
H: Giles. Bleached spiky hair, red-tinted spectacles. Leaning a bit too hard into the "mad scientist" act.
A: Can breathe and manipulate gouts of harmless but extremely realistic fire.
E: Poker (as club), tub of hair wax, bag of soot, dry-ice smoke bomb.
Q: Find a way for him to use real pyromancy, despite his magically inert brain and terrible attention span.

52. Refiner
H: Bootblack. Haggard, gnarled, dressed in rags. Laughs at nothing, doesn't laugh at anything else.
A: With constant attention, she can make one outfit at a time look like a conscious, expensive, and dangerous fashion statement.
E: Scissors (as knife), full seamstress kit, 3 silver hand mirrors.
Q: Her current project needs one last ingredient - a single square yard of wizardskin.

53. Serpentine
H: Slide. Absurdly swollen pecs. Top-heavy. Face looks like it's been ironed flat.
A: Can crawl flat on their belly as fast as they can run.
E: Knife, safety goggles, mechanical tinderbox, tub of mysterious grease.
Q: Get them a pet snake. Something small and lethally venomous, please.

54. Shoveller
H: Baldwin. Smells of wood polish. Won't shut up about "the war", but never specifies which war.
A: Can do anything with a shovel three times faster than a normal person. In his hands, a shovel counts as a battleaxe.
E: Weathered shovel, shiny spare shovel, 30' coil of fuse cord, pet mouse in cage.
Q: He buried the last of his war pay in a disused sapper's tunnel somewhere - dig it up and he'll split the loot.

55. Slime Host
H: Leigh. Massive beehive hairdo. Moist. Never more than half awake.
A: A pet slime lives in her hair. Its acid is too slow to be useful in combat, but can dissolve anything that fits inside it over 24 hours.
E: Scissors (as knife), jar of hair wax, bottle of decent wine, 3 acid-stained romance novels.
Q: Her slime is about to mitose, and has grown far more aggressive and acidic. Find a safe place to contain it until it spawns.

56. Stashkeeper
H: Winters. Outfit made entirely of pockets. Usually has at least one cut or bruise he hasn't noticed.
A: If you need multiples of an item and you're one short, there's a 5-in-6 chance he has the last one you need stashed on his person.
E: Claw hammer, thurible, prism, skin-scraper, pad of litmus paper.
Q: Prove your thrift by getting him an extra copy of each of his starting items - without paying for any of them.

61. Steeplejack
H: Jo Gables. Tiny, taut frame. Hands are a mess of scars and calluses. Attracts pigeons.
A: As long as it's physically possible, she never falls, trips, or stumbles unless she means to.
E: Climbing pick, 50' coil of rope, pocket watch, 3 carabiner clips.
Q: Get her ban from church rooftops rescinded by winning over the local gargoyle population.

62. Swallower
H: Odwin. Tall and skinny. Exceptionally straight back. Pained, scratchy voice.
A: Can safely swallow any solid object that fits down his throat, and retrieve it at will with minimal mess.
E: Steak knife, 3 bottles of olive oil, hand drill, hand-cranked circular saw.
Q: He swallowed a live squid which he can't retrieve. It's biting him from the inside. Kill or placate it without hurting him.

63. Thread Whisperer
H: Tall Saul. 102 years old. Speaks a strange, phlegmy dialect. Sleeps standing up.
A: Can hold a piece of rope, string, or cord up to his ear and sense anything it hears, smells, or feels anywhere along its length.
E: Shears (as knife), 50' ball of string, brass ear-trumpet, brick of adhesive putty.
Q: He wants his pension pot, but the bank won't let him have it until he retires, which he refuses to do. Retrieve it.

64. Traplomat
H: Philemon. Thinning hair. Steel jewellery painted gold. Calls everyone "friend".
A: Can parley telepathically with traps. They respond well to promises of maintenance, resupply, or interesting victims.
E: Pliers (as club), collapsible 15' pole, 30' roll of bondage tape (sticks only to itself), bottle of mechanical grease.
Q: Bring him an intact, functional example of an exotic trap he's never seen before. He's lonely.

65. Unarchitect
H: Lexanne. Tiny, grinning ball of anarchy in a piecemeal boilersuit. Hisses like a cat.
A: Can discern the weakest point of any structure and whether any given attack or demolition will be enough to break it.
E: Sledgehammer, 3 steel spikes, thumb-sized vial of thermite.
Q: Get her off the hook for the string of vandalisms she definitely did commit over the past few weeks.

66. Witness
H: False Rebecca. Aquiline features. Stutters. Mismatched eyes - one brown, one grey.
A: Closing or covering one of her eyes stores a perfect photographic memory of whatever it was looking at until she opens it.
E: Knife, sketchbook and pencil, 2 eyepatches, hand bell.
Q: Expose the fraudulent author who's selling her memories as successful fiction. She'd settle for a cut of the profits, though.